I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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