If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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