Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
