Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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