I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
