I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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