dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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