Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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