I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My dick has a subreddit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
