grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
