Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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