My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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