Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
