I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
