He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
