Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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