I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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