im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Say something about gay babies.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
