SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
