we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
