she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
