She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
