i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
