hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
