No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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