I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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