I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
