Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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