I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
