Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
