I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
