i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
