Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
