my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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