so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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