This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
