i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No subtext here. People are naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
