how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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