Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
