ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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