i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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