Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
