Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
