totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
