We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
