Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
