So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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