they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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