I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He better not be in your backpack
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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