first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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