I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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