The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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